Popular actress, Rachael Oniga had a failed marriage, her husband
married another woman after they had 3 kids. To deal with the
heartbreak, she refused to remarry even after her husband died because
she had sworn she would prove to him that she can stand without a man.
Over
20 years later, Rachael Oniga has shared her regrets about not fighting
for her marriage in a new interview with Olushola Ricketts of Punch.
Read excerpts below:
- As a single mother with three children, how did you manage to build your acting career?
My
first born, Olamide, was four years old when I left my marriage. I had
to put them all in boarding schools. That is one of the most painful
things I have had to do. Whenever I talk about this, it always brings me
close to tears. My children paid the price for something they knew
nothing about. Children don’t beg parents to have them; we ask them to
come to the world, so we should be able to take good care of them. It is
not all about money, but I had no choice. I had to work; I had to be a
mother and a father to them. I had to make sure that they had all they
needed to have. While they were in school, they didn’t lack anything. I
got them all the things rich children had. I understand all I did was
not enough, but I thank God for the children He blessed me with. I think
God knew I had nobody but Him. In a way, he saw us through and I thank
Him for that.
- After your marriage failed, you’ve remained single for more than two decades. Why haven’t you remarried?
The
factor (her late husband married another woman) that led to the end of
my marriage made me determined to prove to him (ex-husband) that I could
stand without any man. I was not ready to give any other man the chance
to be a hindrance to my children and me. I also made up my mind that I
would dedicate my life totally to my children. I toughened my heart and
blocked every opportunity to go into any relationship. I saw myself as
equal to any man, regardless of how much money he might have. I give God
the glory because I can pay my bills. I dedicated all my life to my job
and my children. I became so busy and I was not ready to take any
nonsense from men.
- Apart from sexual intercourse, don’t you miss the companionship you share with a man?
I
understand where you are going, but sometimes when a woman closes her
heart, she will not give any relationship a chance. I was always on the
defensive. I didn’t want any man to treat my children badly. I was
working for my money and I put my kids in good schools. So, what do I
need a man for? I felt all men just wanted was to see the beauty of a
woman and walk away. With what my ex-husband did to me, you expect me to
trust men again? Before we got separated, he was a good and ideal man.
But he married another woman and I moved on. I do not regret leaving him
because I sacrificed my life for my children, which makes me fulfilled
and happy. But I miss the whole union thing, friendship and sharing
things together. I have missed it all. My advice to young ladies is to
keep and fight for their marriages. Perhaps, I was naïve; I never fought
for what was mine, but I still thank God. We are in Africa, you fight
for your life and that of your children first. Maybe that is why God has
been merciful to me and my children.
- Did your late husband make attempts to settle things?
There
were many failed attempts. He knew the type of person I am; that when I
say no, it is no. I tell people that I am like a coin with two faces. I
could be stupid and forgiving. In fact, I don’t think there is anyone
who forgives as much as I do; I am yet to meet such person. I could
forgive or ignore anything, but once I turn my back, I would not go back
there. Before death took him (ex-husband) away, he called many times
and he came to the house to see his children. Once he arrived, I would
pick up my bag and head to movie sets. I didn’t stop him from seeing his
children though.
- Why didn’t you fight for your marriage when you had the chance?
It
was my mistake. I should have fought for it. Any young lady must try
her best and fight for her marriage. My decision at that time might not
have been the best, but I still thank God. I have my regrets too as a
human being.
- After death, did you wish you had taken him back?
When
I make up my mind, I don’t regret it. Even if I am meeting a person for
the first time, I would be so open. I am very sincere. You may betray
my trust many times and I will ignore all. But once my mind is made up
about you, there is nothing anyone can do to convince me otherwise.
- Did you attend his burial?
I
participated in his burial with all I had. I spent my money, energy and
I even invited artistes. When he passed on, I was in America for
holidays, so, I couldn’t attend the eighth-day prayers (fidau). But the
children did and my late elder sister was there too. For the next 40
days, I was supportive. Though he married another wife, his family still
sees me as the legal wife. I was still legally married to him as of the
time he died. I gave him a befitting burial. I did all that because of
my children, especially my son. Later in life, people may ask him how
they buried his father. He had to bury his father well and that was
exactly what I did for him. I played the part my son would have played
if he was an adult. That is my joy. Sometimes, I do things and people
wonder what is wrong with me, but I always have my reasons.
Source – Punch
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