If you are in a relationship and are wondering just how to get more s*xually connected with your partner, then this is for you.
When it comes to having the best from a marital relationship,
having the best of s*xual harmony, having the best of communication in
marriage, one thing that has proved useful over and again is the word
connect. Desiring the best in marriage on any level, s*xually,
emotionally and physically is for couples to stay connected. I actually
came across this well written and hugely beneficial article and I felt
that I should make it available to my readers.
Can you believe that a couple can achieve 100 per cent of sexual
satisfaction if they so wish? Couples often ask us how they can keep the
excitement in s*x. My age long answer: Stay connected. Being connected
body-to-body and heart-to-heart is what makes s*x fulfilling and fun.
Here are 13 ways you and your spouse can have more passion.
1. Kiss intensely and passionately
Do you remember the kind of kissing you did when you first fell in
love? Do you still kiss that deeply and passionately? Rediscover
passionate kissing. Take your time. Enjoy the touch and taste of each
other’s lips. The burning sensation is terrific.
2. Laze around in the afterglow
Delight in the closeness you feel after having s*x. Stay in each
other’s arms. Tell your spouse how good it felt and how much you love
him or her. This is one of the most intimate as a couple.
3. Become a scholar of your partner’s s*xual zones
Seven erogenous zones have become a hot cake. They are the nipples
of both spouses, the breasts of your spouse, the earlobes of both
spouses, the groin of both spouses, the penis and scrotum of the man,
the vulva of the woman, the clitoris of the woman, the
not-open-to-discussion ‘G spot’ of the woman. Even if no other places
responded to your touches, these ones are ever-ready-to-stimulation-sure
spots. A woman has more erogenous zones than just her breasts and
vagina. Explore with her and discover where she is most responsive.
Kiss, stroke, or caress each body part. Ask: ”How does this feel? Does
it make you tingle? What would make you feel even ‘tinglier’ – if I
caressed less or more?” Remember that although it is good to work toward
climax, the journey is pretty unbelievable too, and highly rewarding.
4. Appreciate a wife’s definition of satisfaction
“I don’t get it,” a husband told me at a restaurant. “I do everything I can think of in bed, but my wife doesn’t usually have an orgasm.”
“Does that bother your wife,” I asked.
“No. She seems content. I don’t get that either.”
That’s because many women are still satisfied with sex, even when they don’t have an orgasm.
This husband stared blankly at me. “Huh?”
Husbands, if you want to satisfy your wife, shift your definition
of satisfaction. Of course, wives love to climax (who does not?), but
they can enjoy the lovemaking experience even when they do not reach
that place.
Many women enjoy the sensuality of cuddling, kissing, and touching
every bit as much as they enjoy the thrill of a climax. Women’s sexual
pleasure occurs on many levels other than simply orgasm.
5. Know, admit, and value s*xual peaks
Most men reach their sexual peak in their late teens or early
twenties. Most women reach theirs a decade or more later. Often when a
woman is in her thirties and forties, her sexual desire becomes
stronger, sometimes insatiable. Moreover, as a man ages, his emotional
side increases. Through each stage, couples grow and learn more about
each other and become more patient and sensitive to each other’s needs.
This is God’s blessing to us, because it allows a couple’s sex life
greater longevity and duration.
6. Recognise the different kinds of s*x
So often, couples feel the pressure to have “perfect” s*x –
complete with earthquake, fireworks, and multiple orgasms. It is not
every time you have sex that there will be a “bell ringer” and that is
okay, because you are both connecting. Sometimes sex will be a quickie
to meet the need of the moment. Sometimes it could be functional sex, or
just sex. Sometimes, when you are not in the mood, you could have it
simply because your spouse needs you at that moment. Sometimes it may be
comfort sex; when life has brought devastation, the only comfort and
security you find is in the arms of your spouse as a lover. You will be
ahead when you understand that the different kinds of sex point to the
ultimate reason for sex: the relationship. The goal is not whether you
end with a climax. The goal is that you are connecting as a couple.
7. Just make passionate s*x the main kind
Do not rush. In a sex survey, we conducted recently, we asked women
what they hated about sex. Rushed sex ranked number five. When you have
a solid foundation, and have spent years growing together and
discovered more of sexual tips, then you would want to have a lot of
variety. Nevertheless, a woman who is repeatedly unsatisfied, who senses
that her husband’s pleasure always comes before hers, can feel used and
empty. She wants to experience the whole spectrum of sex – the
physical, emotional, spiritual, and relational. This is not to say
rushed or quickie sex is wrong. Still, sex should not be rushed all the
time. That would be like eating nothing but fast food. Going through the
local fast food drive – for a chilidog and onion rings every
occasionally is not a problem, but your health would suffer if you did
it at every meal. Make your goal pleasurable sex that satisfies both of
you.
8. Communicate what type of s*x you need
If you think you are going to have a quickie and your spouse is
expecting a long, passionate encounter, both of you will probably end up
frustrated. Clarify your expectations. Women need to prepare mentally
for sex. If a wife knows she is headed for quickie sex, she can mentally
prepare for that, including the realisation that she may not climax.
Most of the time the woman will still enjoy sex, even if she does not
have the same outcome as her husband.
9. Become skilled at your spouse’s s*xual triggers
We often joke about his-and-hers triggers. Usually we say that men
have one sexual trigger: everything. Women are a bit more complex.
Though, seriously, because men are more visually stimulated, a man can
become aroused by seeing his wife naked, undressing, or wearing
something provocative. Typically, women are not that way. Therefore, a
husband needs to discover what his wife’s sexual triggers are.
A wife may be a “touch me” girl: she likes hugs and caresses. She
may be a “tell me” girl: she likes affirmation and verbal foreplay. She
may be “listen to me and share with me” girl: she opens up after
connecting with her husband through conversation. She may be a “doing”
girl: she appreciates it when he picks up messes and helps with
housework. She may be a “spiritual food” girl: she becomes open to sex
after connecting with him through prayer, reading scripture, and
discussing spiritual matters.
10. Practice the fine art of admiration
There is a part of each of us that likes it when our mate is happy
with our performance, insight, or advice. We long to hear, “You did a
good job,” or “You’ve worked so hard this week; I want to take you out
for dinner so you don’t have to cook.” Sincere verbal appreciation
motivates us. Overwhelm your spouse with appreciation, and watch sexual
desire increase.
11. Make each other a priority
Multitudes of sex therapists and marriage counsellors name fatigue
as the number one enemy of sexual intimacy. When couples are worn out,
sex is one of the first things to go. If sex enters our minds – even
fleetingly – we think, “I’d really like to have sex, but when do I have
the time and the energy?”
We can push sex to the side and claim it is “just for a season.”
Yet, pretty soon, that season turns into a pattern. That is when it
becomes ingrained in the heart and we become blind to what we are doing.
Of all sexual issues, exhaustion is the one over which we have the most
control. How you may ask? By reprioritising, working less, saying no to
outside activities that do not further the marriage, or asking for
help. Carve out time each week just to relax and have fun with each
other.
Grab your calendars, sit down with your spouse, and talk through
your schedules. Ask each other the questions: What is an absolute
priority? What feels like an absolute priority but really isn’t ? What
can we get rid of, at least for now? What is the best day to set aside
as a time for just the two of us to have sex, to have fun, and enjoy
each other? Get yourselves back to remembering, oh yeah! This is really
fun!
12. Say “Why not?”
Give yourself permission to enjoy sex. Be open to pleasing your lover. Take on a “Why not?” attitude.
13. Keep practising enthusiastically!
Sex stirs the craving for more sex. Lovemaking elevates the brain
chemicals associated with desire. Therefore, as we decide to have sex
and find we enjoy our time of lovemaking, our libidos increase, often
leading to an increased yearning to have sex more often. What could be
more fun and exciting than that? So, my beautiful couples please stay
connected.
*******
Culled from The Punch
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