There
are certain s*x myths that you may have believed over the years which
are actually not as true as they sound. These are some of them.
Illustrative photo
Relationship expert, Dorothy Black fights old-world myths that
affect s*x life – such as the idea that s*x means a P*nis In a V*gina
(PIV).
Think of “s*x” as an umbrella term for all the s*xy acts that get
you hot and bothered with someone else – or yourself. Which brings us to
myth number one: virginity.
Virginity is a thing
Your v*gina isn’t a Pringles can that you pop (although once you
pop, you might not want to stop). If it’s a concept, then when do you
“lose” your virginity? The dictionary will say something like: you lose
your virginity when you practise s*xual intercourse for the first time.
But if you don’t practise PIV s*x, do you remain a virgin regardless of
all the crazy kinky s*x stuff you get up to?
First time s*x hurts
Any penetrative s*x hurts whenever you’re not ready and are
expecting the worst. Your body clams up, your vagina clams up, in many
cases your vaginal lubrication will dry up and the friction will hurt.
But it doesn’t have to hurt.
Foreplay is for her, men are always “on”
We’re told that women need foreplay and men are always ready. But
all that “foreplay” stuff is really just sex and you’re either ready for
it or you’re not. You either need slow s*x and a longer build-up or you
can get off on a quickie.
Men want s*x, women want emotional connection
This is an old model, one that is sexist, old-fashioned and stupid.
Humans are from earth, and like sex, want to be accepted and have
feelings. We have been socialised to believe that men and women are
different.
Great s*x comes naturally
Great s*x is like learning how to cook. Everyone can eat food, just
like everyone can bump genitals together. Being a good lover depends
mostly on stuff that has nothing to do with your genitals, including
self-knowledge, being able to communicate clearly, being open to
exploring and being generous with your time.
Unfortunately, when most of us are presented with our first lovers
we’re far from expert. This can easily colour one’s experience of s*x
and desire, and label the whole fiasco as less than satisfactory.
Everybody likes s*x, right?
Well no. Some people really don’t. Maybe it’s due to bad early
experiences with intimacy and s*x. Maybe s*x just isn’t that much of a
priority. There are also asexual people who don’t feel any s*xual
desire. It doesn’t mean they don’t fall in love, need or want physical
tenderness.
Your number matters.
Quantity means little to your morality as it does to you as a
lover. The only purpose of someone’s judgement and shaming around the
number of people you’ve had s*ex with, is as an accurate measure of
their issues, not yours.
S*x is about orgasm
Another product of the goal-driven society. Orgasm is great, no one
is denying that. But it is not the only pleasure we derive from
physical intimacy with each other. Loving and/or enjoyable skin-to-skin
interaction sets off a chemical reaction in the body that releases a lot
of happy hormones that build affection and bonding.
Men reach their sexual prime when they’re 18, women when they’re 35
I’m going use the scientific term for this: Rubbish! This myth
unfolded from very old, socially dated research from data collected by
the sexologist Kinsey in the 50s. What experts now believe is that there
is a genital prime and a sexual prime.
The former is driven by biological factors (hormones, health and so
on) and the latter social factors (your experience, maturity and are
general enjoyment of life.
Sexual anthropologist Bella Ellwood-Clayton writes about this in
her book Sex Drive and says: “Female desire can be peaking all along,
ebbing and flowing throughout the life course.”
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Via Women24
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